Dear Twitter,

I really, really like you. Let's talk about something positive first, OK? More then a month ago, Rob Huebel was on an episode of the podcast Jordan Jesse Go. He talked about a bad experience he had working on an Olive Garden commercial, where they took the cheesiest shot they had from the whole day. Then he talked about how he never responds to people on Twitter, but he reads all of he @ replies that he gets and enjoys them a lot.

Ever since then, I have made it my mission to mention that commercial as often as possible. I'm hoping that he either finally @ replies me, or he goes on Jordan Jesse Go again and talks about some jerk that incessantly mocks him about his Olive Garden commercial. Example: He tweeted something along the lines of, "Just walked through a spider's web. He looked at me like, "You diiiick!"." My response to this? "He was probably looking at you like, "Wait... are you the guy from that Olive Garden commercial?""

Still, you are starting to annoy me Twitter. Not all of you, but some. So I've got some suggestions for you. Not necessarily demands, but I'd really like it if you followed these 4 simple things.

1. Own up to your spelling mistakes if you're too lazy to proof-read 140 characters. When you tweet something, and then within 10 seconds, realize you spelled something wrong, so you retweet it with the correction and delete the old one, people still see that. Maybe you don't use Twitter on your phone, but chances are several, if not a majority of your followers do. When you put that tweet out there, it's out there. By correcting it afterwards, you are sending people's phones multiple messages. It is extremely annoying to have your phone beep several times, just to read the same message without a spelling error.

2. Your Twitter handle is not @Whatever. It is just Whatever. When you have a podcast, or you tell someone in real life what your Twitter handle is, DO NOT say, "Oh, on Twitter I'm @Whatever." No, on Twitter you are just Whatever. Twitter.com/Whatever. @Whatever is what people use when they are REPLYING to you, not just trying to find you. Hence the @. As in at. Like I am directing this message at Whatever.

3. Double check the hashtag before you send your tweet. It's annoying to see #whenImdrunk in the Trending Topics, but it's even more annoying to see #whenImdrunk as well as #wheniamdrunk right next to each other.

4. Seriously. This isn't Clitter. Or Pornter. Uh... Fuckter? It doesn't matter. The point is, you guys are being REALLY perverted with your Trending Topics. It's kind of disturbing. There's probably a porn version of Twitter out there. Seek that out if you must.

Alright, are we still cool Twitter? I really do like you a lot.