Reverse Review: Grown Ups

When something is so terrible that a score of 1 doesn't accurately describe it, it crosses over into the Reverse Scale, offering it a chance for redemption. You see, a 5 on the Reverse Scale is still awful, but in a ridiculously entertaining way.

Do you ever wonder what goes through the heads of comedians after they have no need to worry about their income? I mean, there is obviously a point when they realize that movies don't actually require much effort once you're a bankable name. Just slap together a loose plot that involves you hanging out it some vacation destination, hit record, and voila!

Clearly Vince Vaughn has realized this fact -- as evidenced by Couples Retreat -- so I guess it was about time Adam Sandler did as well, right? And maybe he got right on the phone and called up his buddies, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, and David Spade.

"Guys! We can totally just phone in a movie and use it as an excuse to hang out at a cabin or something!" He probably said excitedly.

But while Chris answered back with glee, the other three hung their heads and pouted."We couldn't pull that off." whined Kevin, Rob, and David. "We aren't bankable names. Yet, or anymore."

"Don't worry," responded Adam. "Chris and I will carry you. You won't even need to try!"

"Yaaaaaaaay! It's a summer blockbuster season miracle!" cheered Kevin, Rob, and David.

If that isn't the conversation that occurred when this movie was first conceived, then I owe you nothing, because it 100% definitely was. I'm also willing to bet that they used the "Just chuck it all in" style of script writing. Flatulent woman that always blames it on the dog? Check. Small penis joke? Check. Kids learning a word they shouldn't be saying, and using it out of context? Check. Toilet paper stuck to woman's butt as she walks away from an argument? Che--actually, let's make it a toilet seat cover. Wouldn't want to be called cliché or anything.

One of these reactions was most likely your response to 98% of the jokes in this movie.

But once you're out enjoying yourself at the lake with no need to worry about coming up with any original jokes, it can be easy to forget about silly little things like a plot. The easy solution to that, is to just throw a bunch more crap into a pile. Film a scene about a spoiled kid finally connecting with nature. Now, how about a workaholic mom crushing her daughters childhood. Alright, we might not have nailed it here. Let's throw in an "I wouldn't do that to you, man. You're my best friend" moment, a walked-all-over parent finally standing up to his or her kid, and, uh... oh! A big finale basketball game that seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Throw all that shit in there, edit it at random, and it'll all work out. It might seem to viewers like the movie is meandering and has no real direction, but it doesn't really matter much. They came for the names on the poster, and if they're big enough fans of those names, then they'll forgive whatever was on screen, even if they just had their intelligence insulted for an hour and 42 minutes.

Just be sure to take any slightly humorous jokes you might have and ruthlessly beat them into the ground. A dog that had his vocal chords clipped so his bark sounds like a turkey? That's mildly amusing. Be sure to put him in every single scene and have every cast member make a shocked remark when they first hear him. If done successfully, you'll have a spin-off just for the turkey-barking dog.

Score: 1 out of 5 on the Reverse Scale