I Punish Myself (in Games)

For the last three weeks, I have spent the majority of my game time playing Super Meat Boy, Trials HD, and 'Splosion Man. If you're unfamiliar with any of them, know that they are all 2D quasi-difficult-to-screaming-brutal XBLA games that test players' patience and provide a deceptively harmless question at their foundations: Can you just make it to the end?

If you play these games, you won't remain deceived for long. You soon realize that the early tutorial levels have only the loosest connection to the developers' intentions when they made the games: you learn the controls there, but, immediately after, the level design ramps up in complexity, sinister trickery, nearly impassable sequences, and high death counts. My muffled screams of frustration playing these games might indicate that I do indeed punish myself in games. But why?

The simple, universal answer is that we crave challenge. This is same reason some of us might attend college voluntarily, and the more persistent of those people might even get doctorates. It's the same reason there is a stereotype of the Indian M.D. coming to America despite having to relinquish all proof of education and certification and work at a gas station and attend medical school again...in another language. 

 

But this answer isn't specific enough. I certainly do not mean to compare my persistence at guiding a bloody, greasy meat block over salt mountains to save a pink block from an angry fetus to the gumption of an international academic. In fact, even within the hobby of gaming itself, there are examples of challenging games that do not grip me (Advance Wars, most strategy RPGs, Legendary/Veteran mode in FPSs, etc.). So why do I like the lather, rinse, die, repeat mechanic in the games I'm playing now?

Part of the appeal is the hyper speed. Restarting from the nearest checkpoint in Trials HD is instant, meaning I am not left staring blankly, controller in hand, to stew in my anger. The moment I make a mistake, I start over.

Another reason is the feel of the controls. The physics in Trials HD is realistic. The control I have over Meat Boy is startlingly precise. Explosion--excuse me...'splosion chains in 'Splosion Man feel like a roller coaster ride mixed with a Rube Goldberg machine (in a good way--I realize that idea might seem scary). This part is tough to explain but, the quality of the programming of these games is such that I'm never frustrated at faulty controls ('Splosion Man excepted). I always know exactly what went wrong so I can fix it the next time.

The last piece of the puzzle is the elation and adrenaline that I feel with each victory.

The bigger question remains unanswered: Why, if we all crave challenge, victory after numberless defeats, practice making perfect, do I focus on punishing games rather than difficult piano pieces or getting a better job or getting a doctorate?