Stop what you are doing for a second (except for reading this, don't stop that). Turn off your music, and just think. Think really hard. Alright, now think about what would be the coolest animal ever to ride. Thinking?
Yeah, you're right, it probably would be a Rhinoceros. Well alright, the second coolest animal. No, Pterodactyls don't count, it has to be living.
A lion? Yeah, that would be cool. You know what, I'm just going to go ahead and rule out any animal that would kill you if you tried to ride it, so lions, rhinos, bears, and all that are off the table. Now what is it?
It's an ostrich! No... you're wrong. A kangaroo doesn't count, it'd kick you to death... and to be honest it isn't really even feasible. No, the answer is ostrich. The next question is, why if, given those few small criteria, the ostrich is the coolest animal to ride ever, aren't there more video games devoted to riding on them?
Joust was the pinnacle of ostrich based gaming. It dared to give players the most badass gaming experience ever, way back on the Atari 2600. What makes riding an ostrich even cooler? Jousting with other people riding on ostriches. So why since Joust, have ostrich centric games been on a sharp decline?
Fear. That's right, fear. Developers are afraid that if they make the ostrich game they know we all want, that one of two scenarios will play out:
Soon, gamers will give up playing these terrible cash-ins on the ostrich phenomenon and will go back to the game that started it all. All video games will cease to exist save the one and only true ostrich experience.
Or 2. People's heads explode the second they turn on this perfect ostrich game, due to a sheer amount of awesomeness pumped straight into their eyes.
I don't know about everyone else, but I'm willing to take these risks. Let's stop pussy footing around what we all really want, the one and true ostrich gaming experience. I'm here to be the one to finally say what we all know we want. We need to rise up and demand that game developers cut to the chase and make what all of gaming has been building up to. If we don't, video games will keep treading water, delaying the inevitable.
Posts
5 comments:
Best post ever. That is all.
Haha yea this was great alex. I could never figure out how to play joust. I loved the fact that there was ostrich riding. But after a couple seconds and a death I would just give up. I would definitely like to see more ostriches in games. A great game that has yet to come out that would be perfect for ostriches is Id's new game Rage. The landscape and post apocalyptic atmosphere seems perfect for ostrich riding. Or at least wild ostriches walking around.
I'm just saying what had to be said. Someone had to take the bullet. You're welcome!
Also Dan, I love how your scenario of a post-apocalyptic atmosphere makes not a lick of sense for ostrich riding but you just blatantly ignore that fact. That makes your game idea the best ever in the entire world. Developers that do things that don't make sense just because they are badass sounding are the ones that make millions. Everyone else closes down when they make games with reason behind them.
Yea well I dont know about the rest of the world, but when I think of post apocalyptic scenarios I see ostriches. Gangs of them with leaders and a whole hierarchy system. Ones with tattoos and eye patches and leather neck bands.
I want inside your head Dan. Something tells me it is a VERY interesting place.
Post a Comment